Most couples who come to me have been having the same argument, in different clothes, for years. Or they have stopped arguing altogether, which is often worse — two people running a household, raising children, sharing a bed, and quietly living alone. If you are looking for couples counselling in Johannesburg, something has probably shifted enough that one of you said: we can't keep doing this on our own.
Over a long career I have sat with couples through affairs, through the strain of small children and the strange silence after the last one leaves home, through money fights, in-law fights, and the fights that are never really about the dishes. Very few couples are broken. Most are stuck in a pattern neither of them chose, and patterns can change.
What brings couples to counselling
You don't need a crisis to come, though many couples arrive in one. The common threads I see:
- Conflict that escalates fast and resolves nothing, or a distance that has crept in so gradually neither of you can say when it started
- An affair — recently discovered, or years old and never truly settled
- Communication that has worn down to logistics: lifts, bills, whose turn it is
- Parenting pulling you in different directions, or the empty nest revealing how far apart you have drifted
Whatever brought you here, both of your perspectives will always be heard. I stay impartial and I listen to both sides — I am not in the business of deciding who is right.
How I work with couples
My work with couples is emotionally focused. That means we look underneath the argument — because under most criticism is hurt, and under most silence is fear — and we slow things down enough for each of you to actually hear what the other has been trying, badly, to say. The fight about the dishwasher is rarely about the dishwasher. It is usually about whether you matter to each other, and whether it is safe to say so.
As a couples counsellor I hold the room for both of you. Each partner gets to be heard without interruption, and each will sometimes hear things that are uncomfortable. That discomfort, held safely, is where the movement happens.
In person in Fairmount, or online
I see couples in person at my practice at 13 Livingstone Street, Fairmount, Johannesburg — many couples like the ritual of coming to a neutral room together. I also work with couples over video call, which suits busy diaries, small children asleep down the passage, or partners who travel. Some couples mix the two.
Couples sessions are 90 minutes, usually weekly or fortnightly, and cost R1,250 per session — the extra half-hour matters, because two people both need room to speak and to be answered. If you are outside Johannesburg or outside South Africa, my online couples counselling page has the details, and my fees and medical aid page covers claiming and payment.
If your partner is reluctant
It is very common for one partner to want counselling and the other to be wary — worried about being ganged up on, or privately convinced it means the marriage has failed. It doesn't. In my experience, marriage counselling in Johannesburg still carries some stigma it has long outgrown; coming to see someone is not an admission of defeat, it is usually the most hopeful thing a couple has done in years. A free introductory call, with both of you on the line, is a low-stakes way for a reluctant partner to take my measure before committing to anything.